Jay_Official's

If you ever ask me if I'm okay, I will say I am... If you ask me if I'm still mad, I'll tell you no I am not... If you ask me if I'm still sad... Yes! I am still sad... I still have heartache that i think i would never get rid of... The attached feelings can't be taken away...  But I am telling you this... I deserves to be mad over what happened... I deserves to cry and be sad things happened to me past few years... And I deserves to be happy as well...  I am thankful that I am taken away and seperated from those people I should stay away for years to get my heart stitched back... Hahahahaha!!!  I might be jailed for killing someone... 😂 So, I am not holding grudge to anyone... I don't mind anymore... I'm too used to it... I don't care anymore... It doesn't matter anymore what you're trying to do to make me 'jelly' or angry... It doesn't work anymore...  I'm trying to embrace my poor feelings... 😂 I'm satisfied for s...

.....continue Shalom! Ini merupakan kesaksian part 2 yang sudah saya janjikan di part 1. Pada hari Sabtu pagi, kami bergerak dari homestay ke Jabez Cafe untuk menyertai fellowship Gerakkan Bacaan Alkitab (GBA) bersama host yang datang khas dari Jakarta. Event ini juga menjadi berkat buat diri saya secara tidak langsung. Awalnya saya bercadang untuk pergi bersama mereka tetapi tidak menyertai fellowship ini kerana saya bukan peserta. Tapi, saya tergerak hati mengikuti fellowship ini. Saya mempunyai rasa 'curious' di dalam hati saya. Untuk anda yang tertanya apa itu GBA, GBA ini merupakan sebuah komuniti di mana peserta-peserta dari Indonesia dan Malaysia bersama membaca alkitab. Satu hari membaca 5 fasal. Lepas dibaca harus dilaporkan kepada host yang membimbing. Ini sangat baik untuk mendisiplinkan diri untuk merenung firman Tuhan. Tanpa dirancang, saya dipanggil dan diberikan pelayanan.  Praise & Worship Team Dkns. Sabrina (kiri), Dkn. Rooth (tengah), Saya (k...

                           Shalom! Damai sejahtera buat saudara-saudari yang dikasihi dalam nama Yesus Kristus. Dalam blog ini saya akan menceritakan kesaksian saya sepanjang menghadiri ibadah Penuaian Jiwa Borneo di Penampang sejak 2 hari yang lalu. Saya tergerak hati untuk mengikut ibadah ini pada kali pertama ia diberitakan. Saya sudah pasang niat awal-awal dan bersiap untuk pergi. Sebenarnya saya teringin sekali pergi kerana pengkhotbahnya bukan calang-calang orang. Ps. Philip Mantofa, siapa yang tidak kenal? Beliau merupakan seorang hamba Tuhan yang benar-benar diurapi dan dipakai. Pada waktu itu, saya benar-benar mempunyai kehausan dan kerinduan. Saya teringin sekali mendapatkan ketenangan jiwa (saya akan ceritakan sebentar lagi nanti). Oleh itu, saya berfikir dan 'set' terus dalam hati saya bahawa saya tetap akan ke Penampang walau apapun yang akan terjadi. Hari berganti hari, dan waktu semakin dekat...

My fears. They finally come together. I knew that this day will come. But, I'm still not ready to face it. I found out stuffs that I wish I would never face. I hate goodbyes. I hate being apart from someone I love. I hate the fact that we won't see each other anymore. There's too much things going on inside my head and I don't know what to do. I wish I never had feelings. I wish this would never happen. I can't handle the heartache. I can't handle the separation. Because I know that eventually we will lost contacts. I wish we won't. I don't want to. My heart is aching. For some reasons. For someone. I don't wanna be far from you. I never want you to walk away from my life. I know that people come and go. But I wish I could hold on to you and make you stay. I need you in my life because I love you. More than anything else in this world. But, I want you to be happy with your decision. With your choice. No matter where you go or no mat...

I Am Grateful! I am grateful that God has sent an angel to me. To protect, to guide and to love me. I'm writing this because I think I had owe a lot to my angel. I never had the chance to say 'Thank You!" when you were still by my side. As if I took you for granted. I don't know if I did or not. But all I know is that I've lost this angel.  You are always the nicest. The best! It's just so sad to admit that I lost you. Just to let you know that, I enjoyed your company. I appreciate everything you did for me. I love everything we had. I love all the moments that we've spent together. No matter  good or bad, I've walked with you through all. We've against all odds.  It's such a deep sorrow. A deep cut. It's just a wound that will never heal. No matter how careful you treat, it will never heal. I lost someone very important, someone who knows me better than others. Someone who knew all my stories and vice versa. Now it's just...

No. I definitely have no answer for this question. I have encountered too many people in my life. None of them really stayed. I don't always give out my heart for anyone. Except one person. That person has really huge influence on me. Sometimes it felt like we're good then strangers. We're good. But then, I don't really understand what happened. Is it because me or is it because of someone's influence.We're good. But we don't have that genuine heart. No more genuine deep conversation. I miss having that type of conversation. Something happened between these few days. I don't know if I'm too sensitive or what? It just felt weird that somehow we know we're fighting in silent. I have been keeping a lot to myself. I never have the courage to say it out loud to that one particular person. I just want to say. I wish I had the courage to tell you that I miss you. I've been keeping for years. Always have the urge to say but not brave enough...

Guys, today I'm gonna talk about genderfluid. What is genderfluid? denoting or relating to a person who does not identify themselves as having a fixed gender. It means, sometimes you would feel like a guy or a girl. Or even both. This is me. Both. Not my twin because I don't have one. Hahahahaha! So, I'm gonna tell you how does it feels like to be genderfluid. Being neutral is one of the best gift. Why? Because you can do both. You can do what guys do or vice versa. But also, you will get a lot of annoying questions. Like:- Hey, you're a girl. Dress like one. Or, are you a T (tomboy)? Or even! Are you a lesbian? And more! Ugh. I got these questions especially from my family. Just because I dressed like boys. I'm stronger than I should be. I play rough sports. Look. I do not defy myself as a guy because physically I'm a lady no matter what I feel inside. Now, people! Asking people these questions are very rude. Extremely R...

So, how does it feels to be on road trips? It's definitely awesome I tell you! I'm currently in my 20's (soon to be). I've started travelling solo since I'm 16/17 I guess? Don't quite remember anymore. It started when I need to travel back to Kuching to get some of my stuffs and KL to visit my dad. Then, in 2015 i received offer to study in Sabah which is so far away from my hometown and I have to travel back and forth during my semester break. Ever since then, I travels a lot! I've been to a lot of places and I have great memories from the adventures! Travelling solo is one of the great things you should do especially in your 20's. But, it doesn't matter how old you are, you should travel solo at least once in your life time! What I've learn from travelling solo? You see, some people are scared to travel solo. But hey! That encourages me to do so! Scary stuffs! From my trips, I've learnt to be more confident, realistic and indepe...

So, I have gone for a very short vacay on last Friday. I'll be posting up some of my pictures and my stories on my blog! :)